Who are the "BIG ROCKS" in your life?
Three things my carjacking taught me and how it shifted my gratitude.
When I was carjacked and the gun was pointed at me, life changed. I had never experienced a near death moment that was not caused by my own negligence. Meaning, I have had really bad car accidents, etc. that spiraled me into a sea of gratitude . However there is something different about feeling completely safe and free one moment, and then unexpectedly having your life threatened the next. In a seconds time, you could be gone.
Although I do not wish this experience on anyone else, I can tell you that I can not imagine living my life today without it. The quality of my life and the time spent means so much more now. I am very intentional about it. It is still hard to explain.
God knew what I needed to shift my thinking at that time. It was the ultimate moment of clarity. My children came to my mind and whatever would happen next, could impact them forever . So this holiday, I want to share a few things that are on my heart. Hopefully, as you reflect on your year and all that you are grateful for, you will also be encouraged to focus just as much on the memories that you create today.
1. Prioritize your big rocks from the pebbles.
In that moment, I knew who my big rocks were in life. I had to ask myself if we had truly created the memories and spent time that mattered the most or if my time had been disproportionately divided between my big rocks and several pebbles that were occupying space. There was an exercise that I saw at a seminar once. He took a tall vase and told us to put our big rocks in first. Only after those rocks have been placed in the space available, do you add more. Therefore, the sand and pebbles were later added to fill the time and space that is left. We had to take time and identify all of the big rocks in our life. That moment of clarity helped me understand why this is important when life comes to an end. Our big rocks are impacted in a major way by our loss and vice versa. Who are your big rocks and what is the sand?
2. Let it go. Forgive. Enjoy life. It's truly your playground.
OMG! I'm not going to lie. We've heard these things a million times and sometimes they sound so cliche, however I promise this is so real. Let me explain. So right before the carjacking, I was stressing over details leading up to the Summit we were hosting a week later. You know how everything begins to need your attention the closer you get to an event you are hosting? Yes! I was having that kind of week and on top of that I was trying to get over a guy I was semi-dating at the time. I was irritated by a few interactions that seemed to be lack substance and not worth my energy or thought. I could feel myself shifting within. However, the moment my carjacking happened, I PROMISE YOU... NONE of that mattered! It was as if God himself, came and wiped my slate clean. What had happened last year, last week, or even the night before did not matter! All I wanted was another chance to live life and enjoy it with those that were mutually invested. Period. I was excited about life and all that we could create with this mindset and focus. My children, their current reality and the reality that I pray to create for them, became even more clear. It crystallized in my heart like an abstract piece of art that now had clear lines. It was amazing.
Any and every relationship that was not healthy or no longer of substance became crystal clear also. I could not believe the thoughts that occupied my mind that week prior to this happening.
It is hard to explain, but we truly do have the power to control our thoughts and create the reality we desire. After that, I simply wanted to wish people well and encourage them to live their best life, whether I was a part of that or not. It wasn't personal . It was a level of truth I had never experienced before. It was liberating and gave time and room to focus on what mattered...unapologetically, yet with sincere well wishes. What desire have you procrastinated on? How can you create more memories that matter?
3. Your boundaries matter. You can do it with love.
To be honest with you guys, although my relationship with my children has blossomed by leaps and bounds, there are still a few other big rocks in my family that have always seemed to be tougher to navigate. This experience allowed me to really see and honor my healthy boundaries, while also admitting that I still value and desire quality experiences with my other family members. There are just some relationships that no one else can replace in our lives and they are worth the effort. In trying to mutually create a new normal as we all heal and journey through life, I realized that once I became clear on what healthy looked like for me, I was able to enforce it. We are each responsible for our own life. Those we choose to share it with, will only continue to do what is allowed. When there is a mutual interest, eventually we will honor the boundaries that are enforced. When doing so, you are able to still love your friends and family. However if space and time is needed, that is okay. I think I wanted to rush things in the past because I always knew life was short. If that meant allowing a family member to disrespect me and my boundaries in order to stay engaged, I used to allow it. I have also been the one who was disrespectful in the past. The carjacking helped me see that life is fleeting. Know what you need, enforce it, and honor those you love and their boundaries as well. If time and space is needed to readjust for a bit, say I love you and mean it. Love yourself also.
There is so much more that I could share guys. However, I wanted to take time and share a few revelations that I am grateful for, that I hope will inspire you also. Thank you for the role you have played in my journey or for simply reading. As you may know, I am not on social media right now. I am truly enjoying the holiday and creating memories with my family and embracing my next shift. Sometimes, I just need time to pause and stop consuming too much from outside sources. It helps me stay clear. Therefore, instead of posting, I am blogging.
Will you help someone else?
If this touched you, please share this on your wall for someone else because I am not there to do it. If anything resonated with you, please leave a comment below. I would love to chat. I hope that this touched you in some way. I am crystal clear that it is only by grace that I am here this holiday season. Let's make the most of it!
Instead of a pre-scheduled thank you email, I wanted to wake up early and send a message from my heart. I love you and I hope you will become even more intentional about creating memories with the big rocks in your life as well. I can not wait to hear about it. Thank you for reading.